My Yesterdays

See you on the other side to my Buddy , I did not say goodbye but see you later Kim was the best friend I ever had .. he was my bud.. I hope that my tears are over and that Kim is looking down on me telling me .. now you just stop it little lady. I'm sure you all have been tired of my ramblings about my buddy .. so I will try and move on and talk about other things. I do have to tell you I got my hair dyed today I had streaks put in it of a light brown I have blond hair and this is the very first time in my life I ever went to a beauty parlor to have it colored .. I like the way it turned out but wish that It had more blond in it .. but looks good to me.. they also cut it again more of a feathered look on top so it dont hang in my face.. I love the cut .. Picture before and after Click to enlarge Now remember I was very blond and I can still see some blond highlights and the back underside of my hair is really dark. I love it .. I think? lol after the funeral , we went to the arsenal to bury Kim and then back to the church for a lunch. then after that we went to the beauty parlor I didnt know my hubby made the apt for me for today till yesterday and told him we had the funeral for today . but it was good for me to try something different and I feel better for doing it .. we had a bunch of errands to do and finally got home in time to fix dinner and here is sit writing you all .. please leave me a comment on what you think about my hair weather it be good or bad. lol Just took this picture of Kelcee from my daughter lol.

I cant express the feeling I had when I walked into the funeral home , he had been cremated and I was so glad that he was , I don't think I could bare to see him the way he was in the Hospice , He was in a beautiful Urn and it was beautiful. When you walked into the funeral home there was a TV and on it was a beautiful slide show of Kim growing up all the way up to about 4 months before his death . It was so beautiful and sad . I tried not to watch it at first but later once I composed myself I made myself stand and watch it from beginning to end and yes I cried and then smiled those images will be in my mind and in my heart for a long long time .. After the funeral tomorrow I will take off the neck lass you gave me to wear to support you till the end , I cant bare to wear it anymore not because you are gone because it will remind me of all you went through and the horrible thing cancer did to you. I will keep you in my heart and remember you always. Here is Kim's Weblog athough not updated when he got really sick but he tells you how he feels .

It is getting close to the time when I have to say goodbye to my "Buddy" , the visitation is tomorrow night and the funeral is Thursday at 11 a.m. I'm not looking forward to the next few days I know there will be lots of tears and I guess thats part of the grieving period . I think that as long as I dont say my final goodbyes I wont think its real .. I know it is but I guess reality will set in the next few days .. I'm taking off thursday as I am not going to be in very good shape to go back to work .. I do have to say I have a picture of Kim that he gave me its a picture of him on the water ride with a few of his kids .. the smile on his face is just priceless and when I look at that picture it bring a big smile on my face . The past few days at work we talk about Kim alot we have had some great memorys of him and he will never be forgotten .. My Boss has been so good and we have gotten through this together.. We havent been busy at work this week so there was more time to remember him. All my co-workers have been very supportive .. Some time on Thursday afternoon my hubby made a apt for me for my hair to get some color put in it will post a pic once its finished .. I am a natural blonde and always wanted color to my hair and now at age 56 I'm finally going to do it weather it right or wrong at least I can say I did it lol. so don't laugh if i look goofy it will be my own fault but I will be happy with it either way .. I did also get my hair cut yesterday or was it Monday days are running together cant keep track .. they cut about 6-7 inches its shoulder length and its layered. Easy to work with.. Oh I have to tell you about the weather we are having here Windy. Much colder. Mostly cloudy late in the evening then clearing. A 40 percent chance of snow showers late in the evening. Areas of blowing snow through the night. Low around 7 below. West wind 25 to 35 mph decreasing to 15 to 25 mph after midnight. Gusts up to 45 mph in the evening. Wind chill readings to 29 below. Yep you read that right so so windy and cold.. you can just hear the wind howling. Well off to bed and up at 7 a.m. for work. Nite all.

Today it was a little hard for me to come into work because of Kim's death .. I didn't know if I could face my other co-workers but I came a few hours late but I'm here.. I got to get busy and send flowers for Kim sort of personal flowers. We are going to take up a collection here a work to give to his wife and children , figured that would be better than flowers because flowers die. I'm kind of at a loss for words but will add that my supervisor here at work said that he is probably up in heaven talking the angels ears off he was a talker Kim was . that though makes me smile.

I just learned that my "Buddy" is at peace now he passed away around 8.30 p.m. tonight and is in heaven and at peace. He has suffered so so long over a year , his quality of life this past year was nothing but pain and suffering . He went from a happy , caring , loving , giving person to a person so drained of life it made me so so sad.. he was my "Buddy" for 8 years . My co-worker someone to talk to at work and not worry about it going any further he helped me in so many ways to learn and to grow I will never forget what he has taught me .. I just dont get it how cancer can rob you like it did thie 52 year old man with a wife and 7 Kids all of whom was first fostered and then adopted . He was by no means a rich man but gave and gave till he could give no more . He sent me a email shortly after learning he had two weeks to two months to live , which was the lesser of the two .. In his email I want to share what he said .. He said thank your for being "My Buddy" and I will make sure to save you a place in my mansion in heaven , seated at the head of my table .. Kim I loved you as a Friend and will never forget you , See you on the other side.

Boy is it cold out been like minus 15 or more at times .. and who said we wouldn't have a cold winter.. brrr.. I want to just go home and stay home and stay warm . I want to go shopping but its to cold and I'm a wussy when it comes to cold weather .. its bad enough to go out in this to go to work then to go shopping but shopping would be much funner is that a word? Still praying for Kim he is a tough guy only hope he is in no pain.. thats another thing who knows , really they say well they had no pain how do they know? really are they in this persons body do they just say that to make you feel better? Well I'm going to leave another one of my favorite pictures..

I have been waiting for that dreaded phone call I just cant seem to get my Mind off of Kim . he is my buddy my friend and always will be. I will miss you buddy. I also wanted to add a photo that makes me happy..

Today I went to help a friend with her computer , Just a short note I broke the zipper in my coat of 4 years and with this cold cold weather and being so busy I just havent gotten a chance to go buy another one, with some of the money we sold the van with .. been taking care of everyone else and just havent had the time with the weather going down in the minus digits I was really worried about trying to keep warm holding my coat closed when going out in this weather that just seems to be killing my aging body.. well back the helping a friend with her computer after about a hour of instruction and helping her I was getting ready to leave and she said you better zip up your coat I said its broken and I have to get another one just been way to busy to go get one.. she said wait just a minute and ran downstairs and up she come with the most beautiful coat i have ever seen. Its a beautiful goldish brown coat with zipper that works and snaps and a warm hood.. after thanking her and asking how much she wanted for it she said nothing it was just taking up space in my basement .. I was so happy and very warm .. Thank you Judy.. your the best. After leaving her house we and hubby headed over to the hospice were my Buddy is , I had not seen him is like a month and boy he really went downhill DAM that cancer at 52 years old he was not very cohearent not able to even know I was there he did moan a bit once but I dont really know if he knew I was there .. I feel so so bad for him he had a very great mind worked hard for his family and now its gone I have to keep praying that God will take him soon to get him out of his pain, and take him to his mansion in the sky.. He did say I had a spot at the head of his table and im going to keep him to his promise. He is my true Buddy and always will be forever.. I feel for Brenda and the kids all six of them was there tonight also , young children have no concept of what is really going on.. I will truely miss him.. Another bad bit of news is that my Mom got another C scan and they found another spot on her other lung DAM CANCER . well we dont know for sure but we go next monday to hear for sure if they are going to do a biopsy to see if it is cancer please pray that it isent she is my best friend as well as my mom she is my whole life at this point.. so many things coming on me at once besides another family member that is in trouble .. what to do , give up take more happy pills , deal with it and keep a postive attitude or what you tell me .. I'm lost i'm just plain lost. I need all the prayers you can throw my way and all the strenght you all can share.. please keep me in your thoughts. I'm tired and i have to go to bed.