My Yesterdays

I'm just sitting here listening to my Ipod and once again feeling sorry for myself which by the way I have to stop.. but like I said before from now on its my life and I will live it the way I choose to , and the song I'm listening to is can you guess " I believe" it makes me feel sad and happy at the same time you know the feeling don't you . If I had the money I would be gone tomorrow believe me .. Take what means the most to me and then just go again sounding selfish huh? oh well its my life and I'm going to move on. I got to do this for me otherwise I will be stuck in this endless bath of bills and loneliness which I can't afford to let get to me anymore. And there is still the what if's I can't get out of my head but keep telling myself that I did all that could be done, and the one thing that I really made sure of is that I didn't let my Mom die alone. I feel that was the last gift I gave to her and thank her for letting me be there till the end..

Now with my grand babies growing and my oldest grand baby going to be thirteen years old this June, I can see now that he will need to use best acne spot treatment as when you turn around that age , your hormones start kicking in. When I was younger I used all kinds of things going through that stage but never really had bad acne so I guess I was pretty lucky. He has already shown signs of getting them so I hope my daughter starts now before it gets out of hand. Of course they live in AZ and hopefully it wont be so bad being its so dry there.

I'm going to do it what you say , my whole life as far back as I remember all I have done is take care of other people and now ,, its time for me .. yep its Toni time. Seems there are only a few people can care about me and how I have been doing but now I see its my time.

You know its sad to say but I can count on one hand the people that truly care. So as my Mom would say honey the only one in this world that will take care of you is yourself. If only I could have the love and the passion as I had for my Mom and how much I so enjoyed taking care of her and how much she enjoyed taking care of me .. I so miss that now and so now realize that there is not one person on this earth that will ever care for me as much as my Mom did. The problem is that I have always done for others and don't know how to do for myself.. I have to get out of that rut and I know it sounds like I'm being selfish but you know what I don't think I have much time left on this earth and I have to do this for me. I need to enjoy my life what little I have left. So proud of my oldest daughter for moving on and getting on with her life. She is showing me and best example of how life should be lived. Love you Christy and Thank you.. Later..

I tell you moving and taking care of my Mom's things have really opened my eyes. I have found that even though you get rid of stuff that you have held on to for so many years . The stuff you keep is stuff you cherish the most but really wont be cherished by others lol. I so need a downsize but then when we moved we live in a place that with all the rain and road being not cement that I need to go buy one of these outdoor rugs to put in front of my door so people can wipe there feet before coming in. It seems that all I do is sweep and vacuum my carpet every other day. Its ok that I get to do that but I think a rug would help out or at least cut down on the amount of dirt that comes in.

Yep Happy Easter to everyone , I sure do miss my Mom and Dad today , miss my daughter to. Hubby is not feeling very well or was not feeling very well this morning but is feeling better now. I on the other hand is feeling ok but very sad, I need to get out of this rut I'm in and got to move on. I don't like the way I have been feeling. Work isn't to bad but wish it was a little bit more laid back . It's and can be a bit stressful there.. they are on you like flies are on **** lol.. God I miss my Mom you would think the grieving process would finally get to the point that you can start feeling again. I have not made it that far yet. To much stuff has been happening since my Mom's death. I have lost the house that was to be mine, my brother made sure of that. Have had to move to find a place , still have stuff at both my Mom's and at the place we stored our stuff. Talk about hoarding stuff. wow.. now is the time to let go.. Hope everyone has a good day today.. I am going to try to get my life back and move on.. Later..

I search the internet almost everyday to find new stuff for my Ipod and when I came across this site daily deal I just knew I had to order the Ipod accessory package for my Ipod it has a hookup for radio and to play your songs over the radio station. Actually I'm ordering two of them as my son wants one to. I did have the whole outfit I paid close to thirty dollars for when hmm lets say that my sweet little Papi my little chihuahua decided to eat my ear plugs lol. Then when I went to go buy another pair of Ipod plugs well lets just say they were close to 20 dollars way to much for me so I just bought a pair of cheap 4 dollar one's .

Works for me ..

I'm really not familiar with Iowa and really dont like driving in it even though I live in it lol.. I get paranoid I will get lost .. Well guess what I did today I actually drove to Hy Vee by myself aren't you all proud of me. Yep since we moved over here I drove to work once and got lost it was a blinding snow storm when I drove but I did get to work.. took me like 30 minutes for a 10 minute drive lol.. Anyway I'm so proud of myself .. I just kept telling myself its just a road I have my cell phone if I get lost I can always call someone.. now i think I can go just about anywhere lol.

Anyway I made it home.. :) Later..

Well this morning started off to a good start, worked went ok.. still not to excited about the job but it pays the bills. Still haven't got to the point of getting my escalation rights but it will be soon been having calls of job offers been wondering if I should take them up on it or not. Stopped at the store on the way home and picked up some pop its great that the barcode scanner that they use is portable as they had pop for 4 for 8 dollars and when you have eight of them in your cart its nice to have them just come around and scan each 12pk so you don't have to put them all up on the belt one at a time. Then it was home to get them all unloaded well actually we picked up 12 of them boy they should last a while.