My Yesterdays

Let me tell you with all the stress I have been though I'm losing my hair and now have to look into the best hair loss treatment I can find. When it was longer I use to lose my hair so fast it was every where. Now it just comes out but I guess I don't notice it as much that its shorter. Well got to go my daughter is on her way here to pick me up to go to dinner with my other daughter, hubby is still sick so he is not going . So we are heading to Mo Bradys I think I'm going to go have a salad.. yummy..

Remember on my earlier post I said that the sky was all different colors well now I know why.. we have a tornado watch wow , I am wondering how this house will fair with one of them on the way. Its crazy out and this house does not have a basement I guess we could all stand in the bathroom although its not to big but If need be thats were we will go three adults and two dogs lol. Well as long as I have internet and electricity then I will keep you updated.. Later..

This is our Willow Tree In Bloom isn't pretty..

Later...

Every time I turn around I see a advertisement about colon cleanse although it does sound like a good idea but I think that there are some that don't need them , I know this is silly but if you go like you are suppose to then why go more.. Hubby said that he surely don't need to use that product. Any way my daughter just called and ask me to go with the rest of the family to Mo Brady's sounds like a good idea but hate to go without my son and hubby we will see.

If could just see what it looks like outside its beautiful the colors in the sky are so different oranges and yellows and blues. I have never noticed how beautiful the sky looks like till now. It's crazy how one never notices what things look like till one day you wake up and go oh look at this or look at that. I'm so lonely I wonder were that just came from but must be true again still trying to find myself.. can anyone tell me where I'm? Later..

I have been on nerve pills or shall I say panic anxiety medicine's for years also have been on sleeping pills. I know I don't need them and should try to get myself off of them , they are like a crutch I depend on but for now I need them. I have seen advertisements for sleeping pills and I remember that my Mom had tried some of them but I guess she was on so much other meds that it make a difference. She was even on my prescription sleeping pills and they did nothing for her. But the ones I see on the internet seem not to have the additive affects that some do. I often wonder if I would be able to sleep at night if I tried not taking mine.. Well for now I don't want to find out.

Yep sitting here listening to the thunder which by the way always scared me but now seems like a gentle rumble . Was going to make some cream puffs but kind wondering if the rain will make it so that it will be to damp to make them. Been wanting to make some but haven't had any eggs , Had Kelcee and Kyle last night and be colored eggs which Dusty brought with the coloring kits. We had fun doing them, I never realized how much fun it was to do them till last night seems that you seem to lose that once your own children grow up and have children of there own. Of course lots of them got ate before they made it home. lol. Later.

I have seem to forget who I'm anymore. I have let myself go, I see these other women my age and they look like a million dollars. I guess I have spent way to much time on others than myself. I have noticed that I have some blackheads on my face that are in great need of getting taken care of I came across this site that shows how to take care of them with a gentle way of doing blackhead extraction than I have been doing. I have had some scars on my face because of being to rough on my face either by scrubbing to hard or using different types of facial cream which by the way didn't us to long because as I said earlier I haven't care of myself for along time. Tell me why do people do that to themselves I guess life gets in the way and you just do what needs to be done and there never seems enough time in your life to do for you. But like I said that's got to stop at least for me.

I'm just sitting here listening to my Ipod and once again feeling sorry for myself which by the way I have to stop.. but like I said before from now on its my life and I will live it the way I choose to , and the song I'm listening to is can you guess " I believe" it makes me feel sad and happy at the same time you know the feeling don't you . If I had the money I would be gone tomorrow believe me .. Take what means the most to me and then just go again sounding selfish huh? oh well its my life and I'm going to move on. I got to do this for me otherwise I will be stuck in this endless bath of bills and loneliness which I can't afford to let get to me anymore. And there is still the what if's I can't get out of my head but keep telling myself that I did all that could be done, and the one thing that I really made sure of is that I didn't let my Mom die alone. I feel that was the last gift I gave to her and thank her for letting me be there till the end..

Now with my grand babies growing and my oldest grand baby going to be thirteen years old this June, I can see now that he will need to use best acne spot treatment as when you turn around that age , your hormones start kicking in. When I was younger I used all kinds of things going through that stage but never really had bad acne so I guess I was pretty lucky. He has already shown signs of getting them so I hope my daughter starts now before it gets out of hand. Of course they live in AZ and hopefully it wont be so bad being its so dry there.

I'm going to do it what you say , my whole life as far back as I remember all I have done is take care of other people and now ,, its time for me .. yep its Toni time. Seems there are only a few people can care about me and how I have been doing but now I see its my time.

You know its sad to say but I can count on one hand the people that truly care. So as my Mom would say honey the only one in this world that will take care of you is yourself. If only I could have the love and the passion as I had for my Mom and how much I so enjoyed taking care of her and how much she enjoyed taking care of me .. I so miss that now and so now realize that there is not one person on this earth that will ever care for me as much as my Mom did. The problem is that I have always done for others and don't know how to do for myself.. I have to get out of that rut and I know it sounds like I'm being selfish but you know what I don't think I have much time left on this earth and I have to do this for me. I need to enjoy my life what little I have left. So proud of my oldest daughter for moving on and getting on with her life. She is showing me and best example of how life should be lived. Love you Christy and Thank you.. Later..