My Yesterdays

Really Lost .. my security is all gone.. she left me to join my dad in heaven.. I depended on her not for money or material things but she was my backup she had my back all the time.. she was my Mom, my friend, my security, its gone now all gone. I feel all alone, so so alone.. where do I go were do I turn , do I turn to my brother I know he will always be there for me but its different were do I turn.. my kids? they will always be there for me also but its just NOT the same , Oh yea Im selfish yep I am I want my Mom back when she died a part of me died also can I go on? can I really .. I feel as though I'm walking around in a daze , is it real? Honestly is it really real is she gone? I keep wanting to call her go down , us go out to lunch us going shopping just being with her. I have my Kids yes and my oldest has always been there for me and even more now than ever.. but I'm sorry its not the same i'm selfish, im spoiled , im lonely and I want my Mommy back ...

At one time I thought that I would open my own candle business and then I would have a franchise opportunity to build out with my company, but I closed that business but still have alot of overhead that I need to get rid of , need to sell all of my candle supplies and now I'm looking into starting a cake business but just here locally , I don't know there is so many cake places that I probally won't be able to go out and get to expand it.

I have two of my grandbabies and boy they sure do keep there papaw going lol.. he is just getting old and just not use to having kids around i guess .. ya know when you get to that age that you want your nights to yourself .. well that my hubby.. I'm in here on the computer listening to them to funny.

When my son was younger he needed to get a acne treatment to help with his acne we tried everything and seem nothing worked but now he is grown up there is all kinds of things that are out there. I'm hoping this new stuff works for my oldest Grandson if he ends up with bad acne. Lets just hope for now his beautiful skin stays nice and smooth and not have to worry about him.

I tell you even though I don't have a job right now , there don't seem to be enough time in the day to get all that needs to get done I seem to be at a stand still and dont seem to have the energy to do much of anything. We still are going through my Mom's house and it seems like a never ending job, very stressful .. we have to choose what to keep , sell or throw away it seems that we don't want to take things of hers but then can't seem to part or sell them either. Later

I was thinking about all the things that you need when you get sick or when you die, I never knew that there was so much to it.  I guess I was protected from all of that in the past you would think i would think about things like that but now I'm looking into getting some Medical insurance and I know my Mom had Blue cross and found this link about Blue Cross North Carolina and believe me I dont qualify for any medicare or any type of insurance right now at my age and with just getting layed off I have no insurance and neither does my husband . So I see what happens to the kids of someone that passes away and I thank God that my Brother has taken care of everything and knew about all of this stuff , again being protected from all that even though my brother is 20 years younger than me , he sure does know what to do.