My Yesterdays

I have been trying to lose some weight and guess what I just had a strawberry shortcake with real sugar, so bad but I couldn't help it I just had to have it. I need to look into something to take like quick trim to help with my weight loss. I have I guess no will power to stop myself. I should just not buy that stuff but them fresh strawberries looked so good and with a lot of whipping cream yummy. Dinner consisted of tuna noodle casserole yummy but hubby didn't eat it he cant stand it, he loves tuna fish sandwiches but tuna noodle I guess he just cant take it , so he had goulash instead leftovers from last night yep pasta two nights in a row. I made cupcakes the other night too so want to grab on and eat it right now after having strawberry shortcake well sitting here trying to contain myself ..

I wonder what tomorrow will bring , I think people say that all the time and I say you just never know I guess till it comes. But then after its gone its gone lol. does that make any sense at all, so what i'm really saying is that you never know what is going to happen tomorrow until the day is over with and sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, I have been trying to make the most of each day I have left on this earth, you have to because life is short and why not just enjoy it while you can. You know it don't take money to make you happy but it sure does help lol. Later..

I tell you with this stressful job I often wonder why I ever got back into doing tech support, I guess that the other one I had spoiled me to the point I though that it was going to be easy you would think after 9 years this one would be a piece of cake. Well let me tell you I will soon need something to help prevent hair loss if I don't pull it out because of the stress I will just lose it all because of the stress. To begin with I am a blond and my hair is thin enough so I have a choice find something to help build my hair back up or just go bald.

I have been wanting to head out to Az since my daughter left, I miss her so much wish I was there with her like I said I need a vacation. My work is tiring and been thinking that I would soon get let go but just when I think that its going to happen they give me good reviews. Its iffy I think sometimes it get bad then good making nuts. I don't know I just will keep going till they tell me different I guess someone has to pay the bills around here lol..

If only I could find the best best weight loss supplement to help me lose more weight. Seems that I'm stuck were I'm right now. But with working so many hours at work I can't seem to get on the right track. All I do is snack all day at work to keep up my energy. Its not that my job is physically hard its just that It's mentally hard I guess. I have never really ever ever used my mind so much as I have with this job. But it seems that the harder I try it actually seems to benefit me thinking that I'm not doing good enough but then they give me good audits lol I don't know you tell me.

I tell you work is been so busy I plan on trying to relax after I get off but then its more and more I have to do once I get home .. sometimes 10 hour days really take a toll on you. Today I worked 9 hours and im tired.. actually i'm tired of saying I'm tired lol.. I wish just one night I could come home and dishes done floor swept and dinner waiting .. like that is going to happen lol. Oh well life goes on but I sure do have to start making time for me otherwise I will go nuts.. Later..

I guess who don't I have been trying different products out for my face to try and smooth out my wrinkles but so far none of it has helped. Oh sure it makes my face softer but the wrinkles are still there, I came across a site that says it has a good wrinkle filler that just might do the trick. My Mom tried for years to find the perfect product but she never did , I actually I wouldn't need it boy was I fooling myself. Old age creeps up on you without knowing that it happens. Yep just one day you wake up and bam there are all the wrinkles and I know that most of them happen when you lose weight which I did and thus the wrinkles under my chin. So I will either just age gracefully or try different products to help to look younger. Just might age gracefully.

This was a dream that was real that I could actually touch this person.. She was there its hard for me to tell you my dream with out crying but I am going to . I was in the grocery store.. I know crazy but I looked up and there was my Mom standing right in front of me beautiful just like she was when she was feeling good, she was perfect , smiling, happy and it was so strange she holding a bag of sugar.. yep I know crazy huh.. maybe it was a sign she was wanting to give me some thing sweet like her love. But I just stood there holding her in my arms and so felt her she was there hugging me to holding tight . Then we stopped and she said Toni lets go home I want to fix something to eat. I stopped and looked at her and said that there was nothing at her home everything was taken away , she looked at me and said what? I said yes Allen had made me take everything away and sell it and put her home up for sale. She said NO you was to get my home why is that not happening I said that Allen wont let me have it , it was his lawyers that had made sure of that, he sold your car too and bought him a boat, She started crying saying No this is not right, this is not how it was to be, but I said I know but there is nothing I can do about it , there we both stood in the middle of the store crying I was crying so hard and when I went to wipe my tears away , and looked up she was gone.. I searched though the store to find her but could not , then I woke up.. It was such a sad dream but a happy moment also.. I guess since my oldest daughter is on her way to AZ and after losing my mom it just made me feel alone. I know my Mom is right here with me she is.. I can feel her.. I see a sign of her everyday. weather its a cotton tree ball flying by my face in the dead of winter or a bee flying in my face at the funeral in Oct. I also feel as if I lost my brother too.. he is just taking things in his own hands not letting me even prove to him I can take of moms house as it was willed to me .. nope he just takes things in his own hands and does away with things whether I want it gone or not . Mom always said what goes around comes around .. I wish no ill will to my brother but there is going to be a moment when he will see that what he is doing is wrong .. he keeps telling me that when we sell the house that we can get money . MONEY who cares. seriously that was my safe haven my home and he even took that away from me to. That I can never forgive him for doing and once things are all done and over with .. as far as im concerned when my Mom died I lost my brother to. he has made me this way.. I have never ask him for anything till now and he cant even do that.. so when I needed him the most he was not there.. so I can't keep being upset with him I have to move on and see were life takes me or should I say were I am going to let it take me maybe I will move on maybe I will start walking and just keeping walking away.. material things dont mean much to me anymore .. Life is what is important.. Sorry for such a long post but I feel that once out in the open its done and over with. Later...

Please don't cry but always remember this song when it comes to grandma. This is for you Sweetie..

I actually need to focus on what is going on right now .. My daughter is leaving for AZ this next week ,, yep this next week.. like someone slap me and make me realize thats not to far off .. I need more time with her I need to spend some me and her time , give my grandson one last hug it might be a while before we can go out to visit her and i'm going to miss her allot.. Its one of them things that you always take for granted but never realize that its actually happening till it happens.  once again Good luck to you and your family and I hope that things work out for you, and I cant wait to come visit with you guys.  Spend a week with you all .. so save a space on the floor or couch for us to visit.. I want to see all the sites.. Love you my first born baby.. Mom